


Want

by MoonlitWaterSunnyRiver



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Blood, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Psychological Torture, Sexual Coercion, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:12:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2315582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlitWaterSunnyRiver/pseuds/MoonlitWaterSunnyRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In thirteen days of being Ed's jailer, Envy learns what it really means to want...and not to have. "Your mind won't let you say that you want me...my tired little devotee, your mind won't even let you feel."</p><p>Continuation/sequel is 'Loss', and can be found on my AO3 profile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want

He was blindfolded, crippled, his arm shackled to the wall and his leg to the floor, golden hair in a tangled, bloodstained freefall over his shoulders.

            “Say it.”

            “No.”

            His jailer knelt in front of him – one of many, but possibly the worst of them. “Say it.”

            Again the prisoner, helpless in every conceivable way, said, “No.” Every last bit of strength he had was contained in that word. He said nothing more, slumped so deep into himself that the shackle on his wrist bit into the tender flesh.

            It had been seven days.

 

* * *

 

            _It had been a simple enough suggestion on Lust’s part. The sacrifices weren’t required to do anything. The sacrifices were causing trouble and they couldn’t be killed to silence them. One in particular (two, rather) were stirring up quite the ruckus and posing a problem._

_Much to everybody’s surprise, Father had actually taken it into consideration, and soon after, had charged Envy with capturing Edward Elric. He’d taken on the task gleefully._

_See the pipsqueak suffer?_

_Gladly._

* * *

 

       “It’s simple. You say it, I tell them to ease up on you.”                                                                                                                     

            Edward managed to shake his head feebly. Another rejection. “No.”

            “Is that the _only_ word you know how to say? Jeez, didn’t think we’d broken your mind yet.”

            The blonde looked up indignantly, although Envy couldn’t see his eyes through the thick swath of fabric that blinded him. The message, however, was clear. They would _never_ get to him.

 

* * *

 

            _The first day, Edward had spit and cursed and struggled like a wildcat. “You fuckers, you bloody goddamn cowards, how about you face me head on instead of tying me up like fucking –“_

_It had given them all a headache, and Gluttony had peevishly asked several times if Lust was sure he couldn’t eat him._

_Father, as always, had a solution. As long as he didn’t die, the plan remained stable._

 

* * *

 

            Envy watched sometimes. It was usually Lust who tortured him, digging her nails into the softer parts of his skin. A cut here. A slice there. Edward would grunt, hiss through gritted teeth, but never scream.

            The bloodlust on her face was an expression Envy never tired of – the way she’d lick her lips, bare her teeth, sometimes even brush her other hand over her breasts or just between her legs as she drove her blades into the boy’s tender flesh. There was a certain Freudian symbolism there, mused Envy. Funny. He’d told the crackpot nothing would ever come of his ideas.

            It was on the third day, however, when the blood on the tips of Ed’s loose hair was already dry and crusty, when he started to realize just how intently he watched the bizarre ritual.

            It was the third day when Envy realized he wanted Edward Elric for himself. And, wonderfully enough, it gave him an idea for his own part.

 

* * *

 

            “Tell me you want me,” whispered Envy, resisting the urge to lick the bloodstained shell of the teenager’s ear. He’d never been lustful before. It was a new feeling, and not one he altogether trusted.

            The first time he’d told Ed his demand, the boy hadn’t believed him, seeing it for the psychological torture it was. What Ed didn’t know – or believe – was that while it was torment, it was also _true._ Envy _would_ ask Lust and the others to go gentle on his new toy if Ed was to give in. Whether they’d agree was more of a grey area.

            “No,” came the usual answer, pained and clipped.

            Envy scowled, even though Ed couldn’t see it. “How come that’s all you say?”

            Ed said nothing more, as Envy knew he would. Jabbing his stomach (interlaced with still-weeping lines of blood) he snarled up, “Jeez, how am I supposed to have any idea what you _do_ want if you won’t fucking tell me?”

            Ed started at that, wincing right afterwards as he chafed at another thin line at the side of his throat. Clearly he didn’t believe him, although there was wariness in what was visible of his face.

            Envy smiled widely as he realized how _easy_ it was honestly going to be – done the right way. “I’m on your side,” he said in a low voice, as if confessing a secret.

            Ed’s face lit up despite his obvious attempts to rein in his hope.

            _Like taking candy from a baby._

 

* * *

 

            Envy could have just taken what he wanted from Ed – satisfaction, release, whatever it was this new sin of his desired – but he knew that wouldn’t be enough. He didn’t like Lust’s slash-and-stab style of torture. It was oddly out-of-sync with her manipulative nature.

            No, he wanted Ed to _ask_ for it. To make the golden boy beg and pant like a bitch in heat. It made him shiver just to think of what it would be like to take him. He’d never taken a human before – or, well, anybody. There had been Greed, decades before, and on occasion Lust would jump him when her sin flared too high to be suppressed, but Edward…Edward practically begged to be fucked just by existing.

            “Say it,” he said again on the ninth day.

            There was no response.

            “Yo. Pipsqueak.”

            Nothing. Ed’s head lolled forward onto his chest.

            “Say it!” There wasn’t any note of panic in his voice; he wasn’t worried; he wasn’t suddenly thinking how awful a world without a little blond sexpot to torture would be –

            Finally, the blond looked up, but he looked even worse than before. He didn’t have the energy to even try to say anything.

            “What the fuck’s the matter with you?” Envy scooted closer, peering at Ed’s bare chest. Suddenly he realized how badly the ribs below pressed at the young boy’s skin, bruising it black and blue.

            “Ohh I am going to kill somebody.”

 

* * *

 

            They weren’t human; they may have looked it (mostly) and acted it to a point (not that any of them would admit it) but they were homunculi and that, unfortunately, sometimes caused a problem.

            Such as Envy very loudly, very angrily and very violently letting Lust know that she hadn’t been feeding their precious prisoner enough.

            “Why do you care so much? We’re not exactly a luxury hotel. And at least I’m bandaging him up.”

            Envy rolled his eyes. “Do you know what happens when humans don’t eat enough?” When she hesitated for a split second, he screamed, “THEY DIE, YOU IDIOT! Is that what you want??”

            “I’ve been giving him plenty of food. If he’s not eating, that’s _his_ problem.”

            “Oh yeah?” He crossed his arms. “And how the hell is he eating anything with one arm, and that bolted to the wall?”

            Lust’s smile at that made him wonder how _he’d_ gotten the reputation as the sadistic one. With a snarl, he snatched the meagre tray out of her hands.

            “I’ll feed him. You go do…stuff.”

 

* * *

 

            On one hand, Envy knew the easiest way was just to take off the blindfold and unshackle Ed’s arm, just long enough for him to eat with Envy’s supervision.

            On the _other_ hand, it was just too tempting to resist.                                                                             

            “Alright, chibi, I’ve got you some food. And this time I’m gonna make sure you eat.”

            Ed managed a weak nod, and Envy swallowed the lump in his throat. Stupid idiot pipsqueak being weak. Humans were ridiculous. Picking up the cup, he held it to Ed’s mouth, trying to ignore how damn intimate the whole thing was. Not in the way he _wanted,_ either.

            The blonde slurped noisily at the water, and sighed once the cup was empty.

            Envy snickered, tearing off a piece of soft bread and pressing it against Ed’s lips. He devoured it, almost taking off Envy’s fingers in the process.

            “ _Somebody’s_ hungry.” He tore off another piece, slightly larger, and held it up again. Ed took it between his teeth, and then, with a bit more grace than the first piece, closed his mouth around it, tongue flicking against Envy’s fingers.

            Envy froze, pulling his hand away and feeling his blood rise up in his cheeks. He looked at the fingers, two of them now slightly wet with his prisoner’s saliva, and rubbed them together, marvelling at how the feeling of Ed’s tongue lingered even after the briefest of touches.

            “H-here. Here’s the next one.”

            Ed smiled faintly. How he could smile even blinded, crippled and imprisoned, Envy didn’t know. This time, he didn’t pull his fingers away, even when the morsel of bread had slid unchewed down Ed’s throat. At first there was nothing – he supposed it was rather unexpected – but then the sensation he’d experienced for a split second came back, rough tongue licking his fingers and lips closing around them. Ed even sucked on them lightly before releasing with a quiet gasp.

            Envy withdrew, licking his lips. They’d suddenly gotten very dry. He licked his own fingers, tasting Ed, trying to engrave the taste into his memory. _This is him – and this is him wanting me, deny it all he may._ He grinned victoriously, but it was a nervous smile. “Say it,” he whispered urgently, licking his lips again.

            Edward was quiet. Envy could see how his lips trembled, how his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, how he turned his head to the side (even though he couldn’t see anything) and finally said, “N-Never.”

            Normally Envy would have found Ed’s stubbornness adorable, kept asking the question now that he could see how close the teenager was to breaking. But his spine was tingling, nerves alive and sparking all the way down to his fingers. _Those_ fingers, that had been in _his_ mouth, just seconds ago.

            Envy sprang to his feet, snarling silently at the quiet figure. It wasn’t goddamn _fair._ It had been a _game._ Just a game.

            “Eat your goddamn bread.” He picked the rest of it up and shoved it into Ed’s mouth, striding out of the small stone room before he completely lost control.

 

* * *

 

            Greed wanted everything. Lust wanted somebody. Gluttony wanted too much. Sloth wanted to sleep. Pride wanted to be the best. Of the sins, only Wrath seemed to be free of that ever-burning desire. Envy himself, well – if someone else possessed it, he wanted it.

            Except Ed. _Nobody_ possessed Ed. No, that wasn’t true. Al possessed Ed, so thoroughly and completely that there was no room for anything else.

            That, Envy supposed, was as good as any a reason for how horribly, how devastatingly he wanted Edward Elric for himself.

 

* * *

 

            “Say it,” he hissed, temper boiling and rolling. Was Edward – _smiling –_ when he said ‘No’ this time? Was Edward teasing him? Yeah, that was it. The blond was just a fucking tease, sitting there bare-chested and helpless, completely unaware of just how _arousing_ it was to have the terror completely at his mercy. 

            “Say it,” he growled again. Ed wasn’t usually one to be so quiet. He was doing it to mock him. He _knew_ it.

            Ed leant his head forward (although in the wrong direction, much to Envy’s amusement and satisfaction) until his arm stretched at the shackle, and plastered a shit-eating grin on his face. “Nope.”

            It had been just over twelve days, and he’d had enough.

            Envy threw himself forward, sliding with the grace of a sinuous snake into Ed’s lap despite the impetus of his movement and weaving his arm around the bound one, holding it just below the tender flesh scraped by the shackle. He was straddling the prisoner now.

            He leant down his head and whispered, husky voice scraping his throat, “Say you don’t want me now, Edward.” He pushed his hips forward. He could feel them pressing together, rubbing together, only a few fabric barriers keeping him from what he _wanted,_ what he wanted so goddamn _desperately_ –

           Envy licked at Ed’s ear. “Say it. Just…say it.”

          “And…and then what?” The sound of Ed’s voice doing anything other than bluntly refusing him was strangely unfamiliar now.

          Envy grinned, rocking his hips back and forth. “That depends. Do you want me to fuck you? I know you do.” He could hear and feel the boy’s breath coming harder underneath him. “Or I can suck your cock. Or I could ride you. I bet you’d like that.” He moved his hips a little faster. Ed’s heart was hammering against his chest – both of their chests.

         “N-n…” The rest of the word was lost in his panting, but he bit his lip until it left a mark. “No!”

         Envy stopped, mostly out of surprise. “No?”

         “ _Never._ ”

         “Never,” echoed Envy again. He felt his face twist. Yet another refusal – yet another denial, even though Ed had been rutting up against him and moaning like a whore.

         “Goddamn you,” he hissed, grabbing Ed’s neck and feeling how thin it had grown already. “you fucking _tease._ I know you want me, you know you want me. Would it _kill_ you to admit it?”

         “Maybe,” gritted Ed through his teeth. Envy released him, rising to his feet and slinking out of the room.

_I’ll get him. Goddamn it, I’ll get him to admit it._

        He almost didn’t notice Lust waiting just outside of the door.

 

* * *

 

            “I’m on your side.”

            “You said that before.”

            “I _mean_ it now.”

            Ed hung his head. Tears started to trickle down from underneath the cloth over his eyes. “No, you don’t.”

 

* * *

 

            _Lust had figured it out with a sweep of her eyes. His flustered expression, the way he angled his body away from her, how he licked his lips._

_“I never would have expected it of you, Envy.”_

_“It…” He had searched for an excuse. “It’ll absolutely break him.”_

_“I see. I hardly think you’re up to it though,” she said with an infuriating cock of the eyebrow._

_He’d flipped her the bird. He hadn’t thought anything of it. He was too frustrated, too tightly-wound._

_So, in the end, it was his fault._

 

* * *

 

            Now, there was blood creeping across the cobblestone floor and staining his hands red where he touched Ed’s hips ever so lightly. There was so much of it. This wasn’t right.

            Ed flinched away at his touch, breath still coming hard. “T-take this fucking thing off me.”

            “I can’t –“

            “ _Please.”_

            So he’d finally gotten Ed to beg. Not for what he’d expected, but it was still a plea. Instead of feeling accomplished, however, he just felt hollow. Something was gnawing at him, with all the teeth of his true self and the same huge, imploring eyes that he imagined might be behind that blindfold.

            But Ed had said ‘please’. And whether he felt ready to admit it to anybody, least of all himself, Envy was far past the point where he could say no.

            With shaking hands, Envy reached behind Ed’s head, searching for the knot with his deft fingers and pulling it apart. He hesitated again, and then pulled the cloth away.

            Ed’s pupils were dilated almost wide enough to obliterate the gold, but even as Envy watched, they began to slowly shrink. His expression didn’t change, but now Envy could see the red rings around his eyes, and how the tears still poured from his eyes. He wondered if Ed even knew he was crying.

            “There,” he whispered. “Is…is that better?”

            Ed blinked. “It’s dark,” he murmured back.

            “I know. I’m sorry.”

            “Sorry for what?” Ed sneered. “Kidnapping me? Tying me up? Or…” His words faltered, and then roared up again. “I bet you were there _watching,_ weren’t you? You must have enjoyed that, you sick son of a bitch –“

            Envy pulled his hands back. He shouldn’t be so affected, but he…he… “I wasn’t,” he defended, hoping his face told the truth. “I didn’t even -" He stopped himself. He could see the accusation in the hard lines of Ed’s face, his fierce, pained gaze – and he couldn’t say a thing to defend himself. “I didn’t even know.” It was little more than a fragile breath in the tense air.

            “Like hell you didn’t.” Ed’s voice, in contrast to Envy’s soft and hurt words, scraped and tore on the way out of his mouth, coming out as almost as craggy and rough as Sloth’s slow and rumbling voice. “L-like _hell_ y-you…y-you di-didn’t…” Ed hung his head, trying to hold back the sobs.

 

* * *

 

            _It had been Wrath’s honour. He was so often trapped by duty above the surface that Father had decided that he be allowed to do this. He had to keep his wrath suppressed all the time, and now he was allowed to release it._

_All of this, Envy didn’t know. He was too busy sequestered in his room to know what Lust had carried to Father, to the other homunculi, the way she’d smiled at her suggestion, the way they’d nodded serenely._

_When it happened, the others had stood there watching with a detached stateliness – Lust with her usual demeanour, Pride in his container and the shadows flickering up in excitement every now and again, Gluttony not understanding any of it– and finally, finally, they’d made him scream._

_And that, that was when Envy knew._

 

* * *

 

            “Edward.” Envy reached forward, and then stopped himself. What use was comfort? What use was trying to say that he hadn’t wanted this? He’d wanted Edward for _himself,_ yes, but not like this. Even if he’d been ordered to it wouldn’t have been like this.

            “Isn’t it enough that you’ve got me like this?” asked Ed wearily, his shoulders both slumping. “Haven’t I been humiliated enough?”

            Envy almost laughed. Ed might have made a good homunculus, with that pride of his – then he imagined the cool expressions of his brothers and sisters watching Wrath, how it would never occur to them to help – and he shoved the thought away.

 

* * *

  

            _Envy had tried, at that scream, to rationalize it away. Just a human. Just a silly, pathetic human. I don’t care. I don’t care._

_But he did, he did, and the gnawing, empty feeling of guilt just wouldn’t go away until he’d gone to see how bad it was._

_He could always mock him, at least…Envy tried once again to pretend that he wasn’t worried._

 

* * *

 

            “Envy…” whispered Ed, eyes veiled by his lashes as he stared at the floor. “…you said…you said you were on my side?”

            “Yeah.” Goddammit, it was _true,_ and he was tempted to slap himself for it.

            He looked up at him, eyes suddenly blazing with a fierce intensity, dark and bronze, glowing with their own light in the gloomy cell. “ _Prove it._ ”

 

* * *

 

            Dawn came, and the first to arrive, for no immediately apparent reason, was Pride, shadows writhing around his feet as usual. “Hello, _Fullmetal,_ ” he said, child’s voice teasing – and immediately turning into a shocked growl once the door opened fully. 

            Ed inspected his nails with a bored expression. “Hello to you too, Selim. Or should I say, _Pride?”_ He looked up, golden eyes flashing and a smirk on his face. “You really shouldn’t underestimate the youngest State Alchemist in history.”

            “You – you –“ A shadow leapt from his feet and bolted towards Ed, making the boy’s face change instantly from satisfaction to panic as he darted out of the way.

            “How did you get _out?_ And – your automail! You have it back!”

            “Look, I’d love to stay and chat and explain, but you’ve done me the great honour of opening the door, it would be terrible if I didn’t take advantage of that -" As he said that, he leapt over Pride’s head into the corridor beyond.

            “Not so fast.” A black tendril shot out and grabbed Ed’s ankle, dragging him to the ground. Another dozen wrapped around him, one nicking his cheek as it flew by, and pulled him across the floor to Pride’s feet.

            “I’ll ask you one more time – how did you…” Pride hesitated, words catching in his throat.

            The cut he’d just inflicted on Ed’s cheek was sealing up in a flicker of red sparks.

            _“Envy.”_

With a pained grin, ‘Ed’ slowly began to change back into his preferred form. “Yes?”

            “ _WHERE IS HE?”_

            “Well, gee, I’d tell you but I’m not sure. My stomach’s a big place.”

            No sooner had the words left Envy’s mouth than Pride slammed him into the wall, small hands clenching into fists and his body starting to tremble with barely-suppressed rage. “ _YOU ATE HIM?”_

            Envy winced, but didn’t bother struggling against the shadows that held him prisoner. “It was an accident -!”

            “An _accident?_ ”

            “Look, you lot left me out of the fun, and considering it was my idea in the first place, that kind of pissed me off.” Envy forced a psychotic grin onto his face. It was strange how out of place it felt. “I wanted a piece too. I _thought_ he could take it.”

            Pride’s eyes were both hot and cold as they stared down at him where he lay on the floor. “You killed him?”

            “Well yeah, I didn’t mean to, but it happens, right?”

            “And you thought your little _parlour trick_ would cover it up?” Pride growled, dangling Envy upside-down by his ankle and bringing his face close to his. “Do you realize what you’ve _done?_ ”

            “Well, doy. Ya think I’d have bothered trying to hide it if I didn’t?”

            “You know you’re going to be melted down for this.”

            Envy tried to stop the shiver that went down his spine. To face the same fate as Greed – boiled down for his most valuable part – well, he’d known it would be his punishment. He’d be remade eventually, with no memories, none of these pesky _emotions_ that had been bothering him ever since they’d captured Edward to begin with.

            In a way, he sought it – in another, he feared it.

            But he regretted nothing. Nothing at all.

 

* * *

 

            “You’d better get going,” he muttered, holding the door open and staring at the floor. Mutely, slowly, with a stagger to his step that almost tipped Envy’s rage to the boiling point, Edward walked through the door. “You’re just lucky everybody’s out on missions right now. And Father…trusts me.”

            Ed’s mouth twisted into a sardonic smile, although there were still lines of pain drawn all over his face. He’d barely survived reattaching the automail, Envy suspected; there was only so much somebody could take. But here he was – alive. And free.

            “You are going to get into _so_ much trouble,” murmured Ed, keeping his voice just as low as Envy’s. The homunculus shrugged.

            “Yeah, well, not the first time. I’m not much for rules.”

            Ed took another few faltering steps forward, until the pale moonlight bathed him in milky light. He looked like a ghost, flesh arm limp and bruised from the shackle and its steel partner not much better off. The port had been slightly damaged, even if the arm itself was in good shape. It had been kept locked away, but locks were no obstacle to a shapeshifter.

            Suddenly, the enormity of what he’d just done hit him, electrifying every nerve in his body. He’d betrayed his _family. And it was all Edward’s fault._

He darted forward and grabbed Ed’s wrist, anger swelling inside of him. He raised his fist just as Ed turned, ready to _strike,_ ready to _kill –_

\- but instead, he crushed his lips against the smaller boy’s, his tongue finding its way into Edward’s mouth and drinking in the taste that he’d savoured not so long ago. And Ed was kissing him back, other hand rising up to hold his waist…Ed was moaning ever so softly, even after the pain that Wrath had inflicted, and Envy _wanted_ him, so much…

            He broke the kiss, and leant his forehead against Ed’s. “Say you want me,” he whispered urgently, trying not to hear the neediness, the pleading note in his voice. “ _Say_ it. Please.”

            Ed’s cheeks were flushed a deep red, a drop of colour in the washed-out grey of the darkness. Even the blood on his arms and shoulder had dried to black. His lips parted, a wisp of breath escaping, and Envy unconsciously tightened his grip.

            Then, his eyes hardened, and he took a step away. Between them flickered the thousand moments of enmity; among them every second Envy had spent as Ed’s jailer.

            Envy knew what the answer would be before Ed said it, even as he hoped that he was wrong.

            “Never.”

            He turned around and limped away, glancing every so often over his shoulder to make sure that Envy wasn’t following him.

            Envy had no intention of doing so; instead he walked back inside and closed the door with a slam.

            _Never._

He didn’t want to remember; he didn’t want to be him; he didn’t want _any_ of this.

            _Never._

He didn’t want –

            _Never._

* * *

 

            It had been thirteen days.


End file.
